Relationship Magical Realism: The Fantasy That Keeps You Stuck

What Is Relationship Magical Realism?

If you’ve ever read One Hundred Years of Solitude or Like Water for Chocolate, you know magical realism — where ghosts give advice over breakfast, lovers cry so deeply their tears flood entire towns, and people levitate mid-conversation without anyone batting an eye.

Now, apply that to relationships.

Relationship Magical Realism is when we convince ourselves that something wildly unlikely will happen in a relationship — despite all evidence to the contrary. It’s a love story that exists in potential rather than reality, where transformation is always just around the corner.

✨ If I just love harder, they’ll change.

✨ If I just say the right thing, they’ll finally understand me.

✨ If I wait long enough, they’ll see my worth.

The problem? It’s a survival strategy, not reality.

Our nervous systems crave connection and predictability. When someone’s love is inconsistent — when they pull close and then push away — our brains rewrite reality to make sense of it. Instead of facing the truth, we fill in the gaps with fantasy, much like magical realism bends reality to make the impossible feel inevitable.

Signs You’re Stuck in Relationship Magical Realism

• Believing someone will change despite their consistent behavior showing otherwise.
• Ignoring red flags in favor of “what could be.”
• Blaming yourself for their lack of effort or emotional availability.
• Dismissing your own needs because you think the relationship has potential.

Example: You have a friend who constantly cancels plans. Instead of accepting that they’re unreliable, you tell yourself, They really do care — they’re just bad at scheduling. But their actions repeatedly show they don’t prioritize the friendship.

Why We Do This: The Nervous System & Relationship Fantasy

At its core, relationship magical realism is a trauma response. It’s a product of emotional outsourcing, fawning, and a nervous system that has learned to prioritize keeping the connection over keeping the self.

When we’re young, our nervous systems absorb what love feels like from our earliest relationships. If love felt like inconsistency, emotional unavailability, or walking on eggshells, our brains adjust to make sense of that pain.

We internalize beliefs like:

• They’re just stressed right now.
• They do love me — they just don’t know how to show it.
• If I’m patient, they’ll change.
• I just need to be less needy, and they’ll stay.

Confirmation Bias & Relationship Fantasy

Our brains aren’t just hoping — they’re actively filtering reality to support the fantasy. This is confirmation bias in action:

✔️ We cling to the one time they showed up while ignoring the ten times they didn’t.  

✔️ We remember the sweet words but overlook the cold silence.  

✔️ We convince ourselves that their love exists — it’s just hidden, waiting to be uncovered.

And the more we do this, the deeper we dig into the illusion, reinforcing false hope instead of facing the truth.

The Cost of Living in Relationship Magical Realism

1️⃣ Staying in Relationships That Don’t Serve Us We keep investing in people who drain us because we believe they’ll change.

2️⃣ Blaming Ourselves for Their Behavior We tell ourselves, If I just did more, tried harder, loved better, then they would change. That’s a recipe for self-abandonment.

3️⃣ Delaying Our Own Healing We aren’t present in the relationship — we’re in a fictionalized version of it.

4️⃣ Missing Real, Available Love When we fixate on what could be, we overlook the love, friendship, and connection already available to us.

✨ Real love might already be in front of you, but as long as you’re waiting for someone else to change, you won’t recognize it for what it is.

How to Break Free from Relationship Magical Realism

Step 1: Name the Fantasy — What Are You Hoping Will Happen?

Before we can untangle ourselves from relationship magical realism, we have to name the story we’ve been telling.

Write down your specific hopes:

✔️ I want them to finally prioritize me the way I prioritize them.

✔️ I want them to recognize how much I’ve given and show up for me in the same way.

✔️ I want them to be more affectionate, to express love in the way I need.

✔️ I want them to stop disappearing when things get hard and actually stay.

✨ Awareness is the first step toward healing.

Step 2: Gather the Data — Pen to Paper, Baby

Now, write down what this person has actually done — not what you hope they’ll do.

✔️ Do they consistently show up for you — or do they cancel, withdraw, or flake?  

✔️ Have they respected your boundaries — or do they push back, ignore, or dismiss them?  

✔️ Do they meet your emotional needs — or do you feel unseen, unheard, and unimportant?

✨ Patterns tell the real story.

Step 3: Notice Your Nervous System Response

How does it feel in your body when you consider letting go of the fantasy?

💡 Chest tightness?

💡 Stomach drop?

💡 Wave of sadness, panic, or anger?

Your body is processing grief. Instead of pushing it away, meet yourself with compassion.

Step 4: Rewrite the Narrative

Instead of telling yourself, If I try hard enough, they’ll change… try:

✔️ I deserve love that is present, consistent, and reciprocal.

✔️ I don’t have to work this hard for love.

✔️ I am worthy of relationships that feel good in reality, not just in my hopes.

✨ Your brain has been clinging to the fairytale because it felt safer. But real magic? Comes from changing the way you see yourself.

Step 5: Take Action — Choose You

Maybe this means having an honest conversation. Maybe it means grieving what will never be. Maybe it means setting a boundary, stepping back, or walking away.

Whatever it is, let it be an act of self-love — a declaration that your needs, your feelings, and your well-being matter.

✨ You deserve a relationship that exists in reality, not just in your imagination.

Final Thoughts: Healing Beyond Relationship Fantasy

Relationship Magical Realism is a survival strategy — a way we try to keep love close. But love shouldn’t require rewriting reality.

If you’re ready to step out of the fantasy and into a life where you are fully seen, fully valued, and deeply loved — join my 6-month program, Anchored, where we do this deep work together.

If this resonated with you, share it with a friend. And remember — you are the cake. Everything else? Just icing.

✨ Now go choose you.