The Antidote to Emotional Outsourcing with Abbie Attwood

What Is Emotional Outsourcing?

Coined by Béa Albina, emotional outsourcing refers to the habitual pattern of seeking safety, worth, and belonging from external sources — other people, systems, or situations — rather than from within. It’s the umbrella term for codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing habits. Béa explains:

“When we chronically and habitually source our sense of the three most vital human needs — safety, belonging, and worth — from everyone and everything outside of ourselves instead of from within, to our own detriment, that’s emotional outsourcing.”

The Link Between Perfectionism and Self-Abandonment

Many people don’t identify with the label “perfectionist” — yet still engage in perfectionist behaviors. Perfectionism can feel like striving for love and approval, often at the cost of one’s own needs or authenticity. Béa reminds us:

“You cannot be you and be profoundly invested in other people’s thoughts as the rule of law around your own worth.”

Understanding Over-Functioning: When Doing More Means Losing Yourself

Over-functioning is more than over-giving — it’s a coping strategy. It’s doing too much for others without being asked, in hopes of receiving appreciation, validation, or love in return. Béa defines it as:

“Doing things for others they can do for themselves, often subconsciously, in an effort to get the basic human needs we don’t feel safe giving ourselves.”

This cycle leads to burnout, resentment, and self-abandonment.

Healing Through Somatic Presence and Inner Child Work

To shift out of emotional outsourcing, Béa and Abbie recommend:

• Increasing somatic awareness (breathing, grounding, asking your body what it needs).
• Connecting with your inner child or the part of you that feels misunderstood or unsafe.
• Cultivating self-compassion to counter perfectionist shame.

As Béa says:

“When we understand our motivations, we can stand up and support ourselves again in the face of someone’s misunderstanding.”

Why Caring Less About Others’ Opinions Is About Self-Trust

Fear of being misunderstood can drive perfectionism and people-pleasing. Building self-trust means validating your own choices — even if others don’t get it. As Abbie notes:

“The more I know who I am, the less I care about what other people think — because I know the truth.”

Practical Daily Practices to Reconnect With Your Inner Voice

🌿 Ask your body: “What do you want to start the day with?” Even if the answer is always coffee, the act of asking builds connection.

🌿 Choose for you: Notice where you’ve defaulted to others’ expectations — clothes, meals, routines — and experiment with tuning into your own preferences.

🌿 Use kitten steps: Make the tiniest changes possible to build new neural pathways (smaller than “baby steps”!).

The Power of Tiny Steps: Kitten Steps Toward Authenticity

Real change doesn’t come from massive overhauls. Béa advocates for kitten steps — micro-shifts that slowly build self-trust and embodiment. Whether it’s choosing your socks or breakfast with intention, these daily acts reclaim agency.

Overcoming the Guilt and Shame That Fuel Burnout

Shame says, “I’m broken.” Perfectionism reinforces it. The cycle of doing more to feel “enough” leaves us emotionally depleted. By shifting the language and narrative (e.g., “I have perfectionist habits” vs. “I am a perfectionist”), we can reclaim choice.

And when you hit burnout, Béa reminds us to notice:

“If I’m using my last four emotional units to vacuum, what joy am I trading away?”

Using Bridge Thoughts to Create New Beliefs

Changing your internal dialogue starts with thoughts you can actually believe. Béa teaches bridge thoughts like:

“It’s possible that someday I may believe my body is not repulsive.”

These thoughts are honest, neutral, and non-threatening to the nervous system — paving the way for healing.

Embracing Body Neutrality and Dismantling Objectification

Abbie challenges the societal message that we must love how we look in order to feel worthy. Instead, she invites us to:

“Divest from the idea that our body’s purpose is to be looked at. What if it’s simply to live, love, and experience this life?”

When we stop objectifying our bodies, we can inhabit them more fully.

Want More Support?

🎁 Get a free suite of meditations, nervous system tools, and inner child practices at BeatrizAlbina.com/fullplate.
🎙️ Tune into the Feminist Wellness Podcast for more insights from Béa.
🌱 Join The Embodied Learning Lab for a 12-week journey of nervous system regulation and emotional healing.

You are worthy of safety, love, and authenticity — just as you are.

Tune in to the full conversation here: https://beatrizalbina.com/emotional-outsourcing-abbie-attwood/