How to Release Suppressed Anger and Stop Overfunctioning at Work

Two powerful questions came into the Feminist Wellness community this week, and they both speak directly to something so many of us carry every day: the emotional cost of living in a world that rewards self-abandonment.

Question 1:

“How do I deal with a lifetime of suppressed anger when my body feels too weak to hold it anymore?”

Question 2:

“How do I stay grounded in demanding workplaces that reinforce emotional outsourcing?”

If you resonate with either or both, you’re in good company. Let’s explore both, starting with the tender territory of long-held anger.

Part One: How to Release Suppressed Anger When Your Body Feels Tired

If anger has lived in your body for decades, it hasn’t just disappeared. It’s been stored, buried, compressed into the corners of your muscles, your gut, your nervous system. Anger is energy. It’s heat, motion, life force. And if your body currently feels too weak to hold or release it all, that makes perfect sense.

You’ve been carrying this fire for years. And now your body’s saying: “I can’t hold it anymore.”
But also: “I don’t know how to let it out safely.”

That’s where somatic work comes in.

Suppressed Anger is Not a Personal Failure

You didn’t do anything wrong by holding your anger in. You survived. That’s what your system was built to do. Suppressing anger may have kept you connected when expressing it would have risked abandonment or danger.

So we meet that truth with compassion, not shame.

The Problem With “Getting It All Out” At Once

We’re taught that emotional release should be big and dramatic.
Punch the pillow. Scream into the void. Cry until you’re empty.

But catharsis without capacity can flood your system.

Without enough nervous system support underneath, emotional explosions can destabilize instead of soothe. You’re left wrung out, buzzy, or dissociated, not regulated.

As I say often in my work:
“Catharsis is cute. Integration changes lives.”

A Somatic Approach to Releasing Suppressed Anger

Healing long-held anger isn’t about one big release. It’s about creating safety in your body to feel and move emotion bit by bit.

1. Orienting: Come Back to the Present

Look around your space. Find a color, a shape, a texture that feels neutral or comforting. Maybe it’s sunlight through the window or the softness of fabric in your hand. Let your nervous system know: Right now, I’m safe.

2. Titration: Just a Little Bit at a Time

Find where the anger lives in your body—maybe your jaw, chest, or belly. Be with that spot. Breathe into it. Don’t try to fix it, just notice and stay with it a few seconds. Let your exhale be audible. That small presence is the work.

3. Pendulation: Go Back and Forth

After visiting a bit of anger, return to grounding. Feel your seat on the chair. Touch something soft. This movement between challenge and comfort trains your nervous system to tolerate hard feelings without shutting down.

4. Micro Movements Count

Push gently on a wall. Squeeze your hands together. Let your arms shake. Make a sound. Cry if it comes. These are all somatic signals that help anger move through the body without flooding you.

Then pause. Come back to orienting.

When Trauma Is Involved

If your suppressed anger is tied to trauma, please work with a licensed trauma therapist. Somatic coaching can be a powerful complement, but it’s not a substitute for trauma care.

Your healing deserves a strong, skilled container. Not a solo journey.

Part Two: How to Stay Regulated in Demanding, Emotionally Draining Workplaces

Let’s shift gears to the second question, which gets asked in my DMs constantly:

“How do I stay grounded when work expects me to always say yes, overfunction, and keep everyone happy?”

Whew. That hits.

Because many modern workplaces are factories of emotional outsourcing. They reward codependency, perfectionism, and burnout. They condition us to seek approval, chase performance, and stay silent about our needs.

And let’s be real:
For so many of us socialized as women, as caretakers, as BIPOC, as queer folks – it’s not just about the job. It’s about survival.

What Is Emotional Outsourcing?

It’s the habit of looking outside yourself for safety, validation, and a sense of worth.
It shows up as:

• Second-guessing yourself after every meeting

• Panicking when your boss sighs or goes silent

• Flooding with relief when someone praises you

• Performing, perfecting, people-pleasing to stay “safe”

Sound familiar?

Let me offer you a new truth:
Someone else’s urgency doesn’t have to be your emergency.

Reclaiming Your Self-Trust in Real-Time

Here’s where we start:

1. Ground Your Body

Feel your feet on the floor. Feel your breath low and slow. Even 3 seconds of presence can interrupt an outsourcing spiral.

2. Use a Bridging Thought

If “I’m safe even if they’re upset” feels like a lie, try:
“I believe it’s possible to believe I can be safe when someone is upset.”
That slight shift matters. Don’t gaslight yourself. Build new beliefs slowly.

3. Ask the Core Question

Whose approval am I chasing right now?
That awareness interrupts the reflex to abandon yourself.

4. Check the Cost

What is your job (or that performance pattern) costing you? Time? Health? Connection with loved ones? Your own damn life?

It’s not about quitting tomorrow. It’s about getting conscious. That’s how we stop living to work and start reclaiming our lives.

You Don’t Need to “Stop Caring”

You’re wired for connection. Of course you care.
The goal isn’t indifference. It’s self-anchored caring where you know your worth, even when others don’t affirm it.

You can:

– Care without caretaking

– Help without hustling

– Succeed without disappearing

That’s what nervous system regulation looks like in real life.

Want Support for This Work?

– Grab your free nervous system orienting practice here.

– Explore Anchored, my signature program for healing emotional outsourcing and building embodied self-trust.

– Listen to the Feminist Wellness Podcast for weekly somatic tools and real talk.