For many White and White-passing folx starting the working of becoming anti-racist, we become so scared ? to do or say the wrong thing that we don’t do the work because we get stuck in that activated fear body.⁠
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And that’s where the work needs to start, to learn to be okay with being corrected or called out ?️, to release the perfectionist thought ? habits that keep you procrastinating and spinning ? and being obsessed with being the A+ gold star ⭐ in every area of your life.⁠
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Just as with any other area of live, these thought habits keep you dysregulated when you think about your bias, your racism, your cassette tapes.⁠
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So instead, I invite you to welcome it ?, to be open to failing on purpose, and to open your mind ? and your heart ♥️ to Black and Brown people telling you that you F-ed up.⁠
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It’s not just okay — it’s a GIFT ? for marginalized folx to give you their labor, including the labor of telling you that you misspoke, took a wrong action, centered yourself ? in a conversation, were performative ? in your allyship, optical, versus doing the work and being a true accomplice in this lucha.⁠
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Acceptance.⁠
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Accept that you have bias and that you can work on it.⁠
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You will do it wrong AND take action ?.⁠
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My beauty, you have to get regulated.⁠
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We as White and White-passing folx have to get regulated in our bodies and nervous system if we’re to be accomplices to black folx and other POCs and marginalized groups.⁠
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For anyone who needs a refresher on getting regulated, I invite you to listen ? to episodes 48 and 61, which are all about polyvagal theory and the nervous system.⁠
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Barriers to Seeing Your Own Bias

So let’s talk about the barriers many White and White-passing folx are experiencing when trying to show up for Black folx right now.⁠
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The main one I see is that when you’re rolling around in your shock ?, sadness ?, disbelief ?, you’re not taking action ?.⁠
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When you’re in worry ?, you’re not in action to change your life or the world ?. ⁠
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When you’re focused on centering your own comfort in a situation, worrying about being called out or making a mistake, all of that can trigger us to defend ourselves ?.⁠
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To go into fight-or-flight (sympathetic)?‍♀️ or freeze (dorsal vagal shutdown) ?.⁠
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And if we’re operating from either of those places, we are not effective, efficient, or helpful ?.⁠
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We are not our highest selves.⁠
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We are not our most cognitively capable selves.⁠
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When you’re focused on your own shame or embarrassment or worry, your own people-pleasing and perfectionism, you’re physiologically not listening ?, not thinking well, not showing up, not rising to your fullest capacity to use your voice ?️ for good.⁠
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Because science ?‍?.⁠
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And a huge part of this work is to put aside your own shame, worry, and fear.⁠
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The more you’re able to put your own stuff aside by giving it love ? and care ? — never by shutting it down — the more you can show up now to be actively anti-racist, to be okay with being wrong.⁠
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Do this work with love, gentleness, and above all, an open heart ♥️ and mind ?.⁠
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For more about the power of thought work in becoming an anti-racist ally and accomplice, listen to Episode 69 of Feminist Wellness.⁠
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