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self-abandonment cycle

The Self-Abandonment Cycle

I want to talk about how our conflict aversion or subtle conflict creation habits play out in a self-abandonment cycle and impact our self-concept— the way we think about and relate to ourselves—and thus the people we love.  Those of us living with codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing thought habits, where we define codependent thinking as…

Clean Fight Club Rules

We’ve delved into what conflict is and why it feels so enormous, how we avoid it and attempt to escape it by pushing it under the rug, pretending it’s not a thing, or how we sort of throw ourselves headlong into it or create it, often without even really realizing we’re doing that. We covered how…
conflict doesnt have to be the worst

Conflict Doesn’t Have to Be the Worst

We can make conflict, particularly in relationships with the people we care about in our lives, feel a little easier, a little lighter, a little safer to traverse. The dictionary definition of conflict is a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one, which feels like very heavy language indeed. And I think we can…
conflict and codependent thinking

Conflict & Codependent Thinking

Raise your paw if you’ve ever said “I hate conflict” or “I’m conflict avoidant.” I hear it all the time from my clients in Anchored. I’ve totally acted from conflict avoidance many times in my life. Let’s dive into what conflict is, what it isn’t, how our codependent, perfectionist and people-pleasing habits confuse the issue…
why friendships matter

Why Friendships Matter

Friendship is an important part of our lives. Several well done studies show that having quality friendships, however you define that for you, leads to increased life satisfaction, reduced loneliness, and potentially longer life span through increased social connection! I would add to that the more loving people we have to co-regulate or stabilize and…
why privacy matters

Why Privacy Matters

The difference between privacy and secrecy is that the roots of secrecy are so often shame, fear and worry about what others will think, say or do when they learn our truth. It was logical and understandable for us to decide, as children, that being secretive was safer, because it often was as children. It…
relationship red flags

Relationship Red Flags Are Gifts Not to be Ignored 

Learning about relationship red flags is a vitally important topic for us from our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing habits! Because we are constantly sourcing our self worth outside of ourselves. When someone wants to date us—while I’ll be framing this in dating, we can take these same lessons and apply them outside of a…

Secrecy: How Shame and Secrets Hold You Back

And a big way our disbelief in our own worth presents itself is around the line between being a private person and being secretive person, and not knowing whether it’s okay to keep some things private, and not even realizing when we’re being secretive or lying in an attempt to people-please, protect connection or to…

 

 

 

 

REDUCE STRESS and LIVE WITH MORE INTENTION, self-love  & JOY

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