Ep #324: Getting Anchored with Paula Greenwood

This is Feminist Wellness, and I’m your host, Nurse Practitioner, Functional Medicine expert, and life coach Béa Victoria Albina. I’ll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety, perfectionism, and codependency so you can live from your beautiful heart. Welcome, my love, let’s get started.

Hello, hello my love. I hope this finds you doing so well. This week I am joined by an Anchored alum, talking all about her experience in the program. As always, I share these conversations because when I was neck deep in my own emotional outsourcing habits, I thought those survival skills were it. It's all I'd ever seen modeled. I didn't know that there could be healthy communication, there could be interdependence, there could be regulated nervous systems and co-regulation. I didn't know what was possible.

And so, I love to bring the alumni of my six-month program Anchored onto the show to talk about what was going on for them, what their transformation was like, and what life is like now on the other side of this super important work to overcome emotional outsourcing. And so, Paula is here to talk with us about her journey. It's super inspiring, and I really hope that you enjoy the conversation.

If, after listening to Paula, you're like, "You know what? I'll have what she's having." Head on over to my website, BeatrizAlbina.com/Anchored to learn more, to apply, and to join the next cohort. This program is the culmination of my 20 plus years in nervous system nerditry, somatics, health, wellness, psychology, and I am absolutely thrilled to share it all with you in this beautiful community-centered, community-focused program, where we really support each other and help each other grow. I hope you enjoy the conversation and I look forward to seeing you in Anchored.

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Béa: Hello, hello Paula.

Paula: Hello Béa. So nice to see you.

Béa: So great to see you too. Will you start us off by telling us your name, where you live, and tell us what lights you up? What are you passionate about in the world? Isn't that so much better than like, "What do you do for work?"

Paula: Absolutely. So my name's Paula Greenwood. Right now I am situated on the territories of the Mississaugas of the Credit First Nation. So I'm in Toronto, and I acknowledge our relations with all our first peoples of Canada. And my pronouns are she/her. And lighting up lately has been live drawing at like events and conferences and just getting back into like painting, drawing, expressing myself kinesthetically and visually with art.

Béa: That's awesome. So like while the speaker's talking at the conference, you're just drawing them?

Paula: Yeah, yeah.

Béa: That's so fun. What's your medium? Like what do you like to use?

Paula: I use pens, like Posca pens when I'm at the live event or Sharpies. And then I also use like acrylic and oil at home. So, yeah.

Béa: That's so fun.

Paula: Yeah. Yeah.

Béa: What a nice way. I, okay, not to brag this early on in the episode, but I do have ADHD, always bragging. And I learned very early on in life that if I'm doing something else, it helps me focus. Like if I'm, right, doing something creative or drawing or doodling. So is it?

Paula: Absolutely. Same for me. So I don't want to brag, but I share that neuro-spicy brain, very creative. And it does zero in and it also helps me connect with community who are also all over the place, so they can also see like the key themes that come out. So, yeah, I feel like I'm doing my gift. And I'm staying focused, learning and I love learning and I don't want to get pulled away to the, you know, the distraction in my brain. So it like quiets my mind too.

Béa: That's fantastic. We were chit chatting before, you know, I hit record that the reason I do these episodes is to model what's possible. And so I love that you're sitting in a conference modeling like, hey, if you are neurodivergent, this is a way that you can really take care of yourself with ease.

Paula: Absolutely. Yeah. I love being in a space where you can kind of either stand up or draw or kind of be your own comfortable self rather than feeling like you're in that stiff chair and it's not working for you. So, yeah, yeah.

Béa: Oh, that makes me wicked happy.

Paula: Yes, me too.

Béa: Right on. Okay, so you were in Anchored last year? The year before?

Paula: Yeah. So it was the fall ’23 cohort, I believe. I know. Yeah. So I guess yeah, into that winter. That winter of 24. So, yeah, it was incredible. And yeah, I know we're going to get into that, but it's just life is different now on the other side of it for sure. Like I was really stuck at that time. Yeah. Anchored really, even this much farther ahead has really helped me kind of, I go back to a lot of the tools you taught, a lot of the things that you went through with us. So, yeah, like, life changing.

Béa: Wow. That's beautiful to hear. So, let's back up and I want to get more into the life changing and how life is different. So what was going on back in 2023? What led you to join? What interested you about the program?

Paula: Okay. And I had listened to your podcast for a couple years. Like it helped get me through the pandemic and I really was driving with what you were saying in sort of wellness, mental health, but also the this the feminist sphere. And so I think through the podcast is where I heard about Anchored. And, you know, kind of was on the fence because it, you know, it was an investment. And but I was really feeling stuck. I was feeling stuck in like a lot of loops, a lot of negative talk and a lot of projecting outwards, like it was like he or she or they, like it was kind of like the boundaries were very non-existent at the time, which is part of what Anchored helped me learn.

And I also found I was misaligned. So my job was in student affairs and higher education, which I am deeply passionate about, sort of helping students, especially those students in like equity deserving situations or populations. And I was finding I was really in like a more management operations, like kind of HRE, like paperwork-y situation that was like just not working for me and I felt stuck. I definitely felt stuck in that.

And then felt stuck in my past, like my co-parent, but past partner situation. Like my relationship really felt like this is just going in like loops of negativity. And I was feeling like this might be that Anchored might be really helpful. And I knew it wasn't just like a quick fix, especially knowing it was like, it's like a six-month journey that I needed something like that to really like carefully go through things and yeah. Yeah. So that's where I was.

Béa: And so one of the things that came up for me is listening to the show. How is doing Anchored different and deeper than just listening to the show or just doing this work fully on your own?

Paula: Oh yeah. So it's different than listening to the pod, the show, different from doing the work on my own because I know there's different episodes that you've touched on little pieces of somatic work and the thought protocol and things like that. But this was, the fact that I can remember those two things now and it's been like over a year later. So it's just, it's a, it was a community and one where you created a really safe space for us to come together. Really like the platform that you used and us like building that confidentiality together.

And there's a lot of material to go through. This is like your like profession and lifelong learning. So for us, I felt like I needed a long time to kind of process each part of it and really get into things a lot more. Like especially for me, I hadn't really thought about like my feelings, for example. Like totally living up here in the head and that's something that you taught me and taught us was just around like that takes a lot of work to like shift, right? And like have the trust to shift and even know what's going on in there. 

And then all the resources that you provided too. Like it was some reading, some interaction and some work on our own and journal reflection. Like it was time. It was investment that now well, very well spent, but it really was a lot more than just listening to like a podcast episode, which I rarely would have actioned or I might action like a little tiny bit or forget. But this really, this held me accountable as well. Yeah.

Béa: Yeah. And you talked about the community and how the community was supportive. I'd love to ask you to speak more to what it felt like to be in Anchored and getting coached in front of other people live or in writing because people get really nervous. I totally understand and respect, but yeah, if you could speak to that, Paula.

Paula: Sure. Yeah. Yeah, that was something getting coached in a group was newer to me and something that I did have some, you know, there's vulnerability, there's, I did find that I sort of watched a couple happen first before I jumped in there. The things that really helped were when you coach and really kind of encouraged us to step forward and also kept reminding that, you know, it's okay and it's safe if you don't. And here's what I can offer and I'd really like, you know, challenge you to step forward. 

And because you helped create that safe space, like we did introductions, we shared on the private portal, we shared like our photos, if we felt comfortable, like and it was all kind of what we felt comfortable doing, but really it was really kind of, you know, the expectation that you were going to stretch yourself a little bit more and push yourself a little bit more.

And I have to say that having people like comment and respond and give feedback and even after to be able to see some reflections of like, you have no idea how much I related to that or how much that was me or how much I felt like I was the only one. So I found that too that sometimes I couldn't with life. 

It was just like I couldn't always be the one getting coached or I didn't always step forward right away, but every time I listened to another person get coached on Anchored, like I think you did three or four or whoever wanted to go that day. Like even listening to it, I was like, yes, like I can identify with that or isn't that helpful? Isn't that a different way of thinking about something? But it was so good to have that community of people there that were just all invested in really kind of getting unstuck and being well and really supportive.

Béa: And that interdependence and co-regulation that you spoke to, I think that's the part we don't realize we need till we have it or we hear about it and we start to imagine, okay, I feel really alone in this. I feel really alienated in this. I don't know who will ever understand me around these codependent perfectionist people pleasing habits. And then you get into Anchored and everyone gets you.

Paula: Absolutely. And that was the piece that really moving from the codependency and the emotional outsourcing as you helped me learn was what I was doing in groups prior. So I do feel like this was one of the first groups where in Anchored, you modeled and we modeled that interdependency and that sort of healthy community. There was certain times I remember folks really wanted to shift from like themselves being coached and going through transformation to like really learning about others in the group. 

And I could identify with that previous where it was just like, I was a great team member. I was an amazing community member for other people. And I would forget myself and what I needed and wanted. And so I felt like within the Anchored community, you helped refocus things on each of us asking for what we need, focusing on ourselves while learning and supporting others. And it was just a beautiful way to model the interdependency and yeah, I loved it.

Béa: Thank you for that. Something in what you were sharing, you spoke about the recordings, right? So for folks who live in Australia or work banana boat hours, right? Medical residents, whatever. What would you say to folks about the impact of watching the recordings versus being there live? Do you have to be there live?

Paula: I don't think you have to be there live. No. No. And it really helped with life because even if even if I booked them all in and you always tried to have them at a few different times for people in different zones, you don't have to be there live. So I found you're still getting the live experience when you rewatch. You can see the comments and then you can go back into the community and comment and reflect on it. 

So I found for me that was even better. I had to challenge myself to be there live when I could because I, you know, it is really nice to be there and to show up, but you know, if you can't, then I found it was still so beneficial to be able to watch it at my convenience while life was happening around. So yeah.

Béa: Yeah. Yeah, because you're a busy parent.

Paula: Yeah. Yeah. It was like schedules or driving kids places or a meeting and then I just found I would log in after or before or and then make sure I'm commenting. So even community members would get other messages kind of later, a few days later and that seemed fine, the way things ran. Yeah.

Béa: Yeah, right on. So what were your favorite takeaways or concepts from the program?

Paula: Oh, there were so many.

Béa: What are your top 27?

Paula: Oh my gosh. Well, the first, the biggest stretch for me was the dancing, the dance breaks. And even look at me, I'm like shaking in my seat now and I'm moving. It felt so weird before. Like it was a lot of the inner talk and then I had to challenge myself on feel the feels. And by the end, we were like all cameras on, dancing, grooving. And I still like I'll turn on music now. I would have never done that before Anchored. 

So I get up, I dance. It doesn't even matter if people are home and they see me with my earbuds on. I'm like grooving around. And I love the way you taught us like so many somatic things, which I didn't know before, but it was like I learned about the this is my arm. Like I love the this is my arm. These are my legs, these are my feet. And I use that anytime I feel nervous or a little dysregulated. Like I'll go, okay, I'm this is and that's the orienting part that you taught us in Anchored.

So I can feel myself now. It's like, I feel a little nervous. Okay, I'm let's orient first. And how amazing is that simple like, okay, I'm in my space. My cats are here. I'm with Béa. So that was one like a lot of the somatic things, pushing on the wall exercise, like when I felt like the built up anger or frustration, it was like I really need to push on this wall. And so I'll still do, I'll still do that. And before I would have had the talk, this is weird. This is like it was the judgment person who was inside me. So I feel like that's just all gone now too from doing Anchored. I’ll pause there, but there were still like I can go into the yeah, should I keep going?

Béa: Yeah, please.

Paula: Okay. So another part of Anchored that I found very helpful was the thought protocol, like you taking us through, but not just all at once. We went through it from like learning about our feelings, learning about our thoughts and like challenging our thoughts. And then how to feel the feels. Like it was it was definitely a very supportive process where I found I unearthed a lot of, yeah, just like really negative self-talk or not enough like internal tune in thoughts and a lot of externalizing thoughts. 

So Anchored helped me learn how to look inwards. Like how's my body feeling and what am I thinking? And is that thought, is that truth? And you helped us through the protocol of questioning that and what is the absolute truth? And then what actions can I take or inactions as a result of that. And I have found at the other end, I will do that a lot of the stuck looped moments in my past relationship that I still work with the co-parent now. 

It'll just be I'll pause, I'll think of the thought I'm having. And then I'll think of the action, like I'll go through the feelings that I'm feeling. I'll pause. And then I'll think, well, this is the action I could take or this action, like it's really allowed me to kind of address things differently and more aligned with what I want to do rather than what I think I should do. The shoulds. Yeah, so many things that I've loved and taken away from Anchored that I still use now, like a year later. 

Béa: What I hear you speaking to that's so vital is how yes, we do this work for ourselves and we're doing it for our partner, our co-parent, our kid, our parent, our employee, our employer, our best friend, our sister, our neighbor. Like we're doing it for everyone in our lives because it ripples out really quickly, right?

Paula: It does. It does because you're modeling it and you've modeled it for us in Anchored, then we modeled it for our loved ones or our family or our colleagues. It really changes the tone of things too. And it's a way to, I know we can't control another person, but we can decide ourselves how we're going to, yeah, interact and model what's expected or what we value. And that has really shifted in many areas of my life now.

Béa: Wow. Where other than your co-parenting are you seeing these changes?

Paula: So a big change was that I made the radical decision to shift jobs. So I'm an entrepreneur now. I'm working as an artist, as a teacher, running an art studio. So that was huge because I was finding that it was around the time when I was going through Anchored and it was a big decision around feeling stuck and realizing that I had the ability to like think through what I want myself, which was more time to be creative, more times when my family could see me like thriving and in my zone of genius and skills.

And then also not worrying as much about what other people were thinking or what I thought they might think. So before I would just stay in something because it was like, oh yeah, everyone's knows that I'm okay and I'm fine versus like, what do I really want? How is this making me feel like health wise, mentally? Not great at that time. 

So it was like, I need to shift. And the thought protocol and Anchored really helped me look at what am I saying about this situation? Because it is a big change and what do I feel about it? I feel really good about this idea and I've thought through the pros and cons. I mean, I'm a smart person. Like a lot of things. I was like just talking so negatively and really learned to shift to positive talk and or neutral talk actually is what you helped us. Like things are neutral. Feelings are neutral. And I learned that through Anchored and that was so helpful. Still using that.

So now being in the space where I'm constantly having to share with people what I'm doing now, which is very different and surprising for a lot of folks who knew me in my other job. So being able to go through that protocol and be like, I can't control what other people think, but I can model how I feel and think and they can see me thriving. They can see me feeling better. They can see that this is aligned and I really don't need to justify it to anyone. And I've learned that through Anchored too with the boundary setting piece, right? So it's like this just feels great. Like this is aligned. And I'm happy. I'm good. I'm neutral, which is where I want to be, right? Yeah.

Béa: Oh, sweet pea, it's so beautiful and it's so wonderful to watch you light up as you talk about this shift and all the pieces that you got into alignment for yourself that allowed you to make this huge shift.

Paula: Thank you. It feels really good and I'm so thankful for getting all of those tools and resources through Anchored and just the time that you devote and spend. Like I just feel so grateful for that. So thank you because I do see it in myself too. Like I see myself lighting up. I see myself more aligned and feeling better, feeling so much better. So thank you for that as well. That was Anchored. That was joining and being part of it. 

Béa: Such, such a pleasure, truly, truly. Yeah. On that note, talking about what life is like now, what would you say the transformation has been? We've talked about having more confidence, being able to really own your passion and what you're excited about. Co-parenting is easier from your end. You're able to do thought work like a complete thought work wizard, doing it in your head. That's amazing. And I heard you say more somatic presence. What else is a vital parts of this transformation? Inspire the good people.

Paula: Yeah. I think if you're thinking about joining Anchored, it's really around the self-healing overall for me. It's about feeling like I'm in control and I am I'm neutral and that I'm loved and that I'm okay just the way I am. So it's really helped my nervous system feel like it's in that middle spot that I need it to be. It's if it's getting revved up or I feel like it's in the freeze on either end, like I know how to get myself more to neutral again, which is so amazing. And I feel okay. 

Like I feel before Anchored, I felt like the shame and the fear were creeping in a lot more. And going through the process of being in the Anchored community and I'm now on the other end, I feel like I'm not alone. I'm not “crazy" and that I am a human. I'm human humaning and you've helped with that so much. I'm not stuck in loops as much anymore. So I know how to get out of those loops and do what I love. Like now that I'm painting and doing art, I'm also, yeah, I love skating is another thing, like ice skating. 

So getting back into that and not caring what I look like, like if I have the thought of like, I'm too old or I'm too busy. Like, I know how to deal with those thoughts. They are what they are and they're there because of all the things. And let's get out and skate. So, yeah, I really feel like it was life-changing to be part of Anchored and I'm so grateful.

Béa: And I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know you, to coach you, to be in community with you. It really is a reciprocal, mutual process where we're all really supporting each other and I feel so honored and so grateful, Paula. Really.

Paula: Thank you. And you, you're awesome.

Béa: And you, you're awesome.

Paula: It’s mutual. You’re awesome. And you've helped to teach me how to be more okay with that. So yeah, share the love. Thank you.

Béa: Yay. So two final questions. You spoke about the investment. What would you say to someone who's like, I don’t know about this?

Paula: Yeah. Yeah, because that is we're definitely used to putting ourselves like not even on the list, which is what I was doing. I was in a privileged place where I came into some inheritance from my uncle and it was, I was reluctant prior. It was like, oh, do I want to invest? But when you kind of look at it, it's like for me, it's a no-brainer now on the other end of things to invest in myself because this has then rippled out and like my roles and my all my relationships. 

But it is, yeah, it's an investment because of what you create, what Anchored creates for me and also like your expertise, your knowledge and all of the curriculum and being able to like have those tools and kind of move them ahead. Like it's to me, it's worth every bit of the investment. I think you should be charging more, but that's just me from the outside now on the other end. 

But yeah, for those who are kind of on the fence, it's like you're worth it. This is your wellness. This is your mind. This is your like all aspects of your life. So getting to the point of like, yeah, invest if you can. Like I know it's it is considerable and depending on where you're at within your life. But if you can make it happen, like definitely best investment I've made. Yeah, yeah.

Béa: Thank you, Paula. And finally, to anyone who feels nervous or is on the fence, what would you say to them? I feel like you've covered it, but.

Paula: Yeah. I think if you're nervous to join Anchored, then just think about why you're nervous. Like that's part of the Anchored process is taking you through why would you feel nervous to join around worthiness and but also just that it's such a loving, supportive environment. And you can just listen to any of your podcasts as an example of the like the safety that you create intentionally. 

And then the coaching you provide, the people who join that I really think if you're nervous about it, that's actually okay because a lot of people who joined in my community, myself included and my cohort were nervous. And it's a process, right? So it's like you kind of get a little bit less, like I mentioned about the dancing, it's like, I don't want that. I don't want my camera on. Oh, I feel a little nervous. People are watching me. My hair is not done. Like my house isn't clean. Trust me, that doesn't matter in Anchored. 

It's more about like the just like feeling your body and feeling safe and Béa, you help us get there. And those within the community help us get there to feel very comfortable. So as you're going through it, you will shift from, I was nervous at the beginning, but now I feel like this is a really safe space full of tons of love. Like I've never felt more loved in a community group. It was awesome.

Béa: I'm so pleased to hear all of that Paula and you brought so much love to the community. So mirror, right?

Paula: Thank you.

Béa: Yeah. Well, as we wrap up, anything else you want to make sure to add?

Paula: Just I the only thing I wanted to add, so I'll  just start in, but just a huge thank you as well for letting me or inviting me to be part of this as well and also being able to reflect. Like I think there is so much value of me going back and reflecting on all that I've learned from Anchored. And then I've pulled out a couple of my journal pieces and want to keep going with that. 

So just for folks thinking about joining Anchored, it is six months. It is an investment and I would say like I'm a year out and I'm still using the tools and continuing to learn now that I have that time invested. I feel like I'm now continue to go back to the like the journaling and the tools and I feel more grounded based on that. So yeah.

Béa: I'm glad to hear it. That's why I make all the material downloadable. It's why you get to keep everything forever because I hear from people from like 2019 and 2020 that they're starting the six months over and over again. Someone recently told me it's like the It's A Small World ride at Disney where you see something new every single time that you have never seen.

Paula: Yes. Yes. Yes. And I'm not surprised because there's so much good content there and we're all at different stages of our lives. So I think that is amazing that you give all of those resources and we can download them too.

Béa: Oh, thank you, Paula.

Paula: Thank you, Béa.

Béa: And Paula, before I let you go, I'm so excited about your new art business. Do you have a website you could share? I'm sure people want to go check out what you're making.

Paula: Amazing. Thank you so much. I would love that. So I'm at greenwoodstudios.ca. So greenwoodstudios.ca. And I would love to connect with anyone who's interested in like bespoke art commissions or the live drawing at conferences and events. I would love that. Thank you so much for letting me promote that.

Béa: That's so fun. And we'll put that in the show notes. Make sure people can find you.

Paula: Thank you. Okay.

Béa: Yeah. And we're slowly, you know, my life's been so consumed by the book, but Larissa and I are working on getting retreats going. So maybe you can come and do some live drawing there.

Paula: Amazing. And I can't wait for the book as well. So yeah. Yay.

Béa: Any day. Well, thank you so much, Paula. So, so, so grateful.

Paula: Thank you.

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Oh, my love. What a beautiful conversation. Thanks again to Paula for joining us. Thank you to all of the Anchored alumni for doing this vital work on yourself and rippling it out into your communities like Paula and I talked about. I find it endlessly inspiring, especially to talk to Paula a year and a half actually after her cohort and she's still doing this work. She still remembers the things she learned because it has changed her life and continues to change her life. And that is the neuroscience nerd-based structure of Anchored that it's not just like transient. This is real lasting sustainable change. Like this is for real you guys. This is the jam.

So if this is what you're looking for, if you would like to get unstuck and stay unstuck, then consider joining us in Anchored. Head on over to my website BeatrizAlbina.com/anchored. Learn more. Apply now. The application takes like five minutes and really there's something magical about the act of applying. 

You know, Paula talked about reflecting back on her experience and there's something really beautiful about applying and thinking, why do I want to do this? And taking the time to write it out that can be really supportive in and of itself. So applying's free. Why not? Right? Right. 

All right, my loves. Thanks again for joining us. Let's do what we do. Gentle hand on your heart, should you feel so moved. And remember, you are safe. You are held. You are loved. And when one of us heals, we help heal the world. Be well, my beauty. I'll talk to you soon. Ciao.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Feminist Wellness. If you want to learn more all about somatics, what the heck that word means, and why it matters for your life, head on over to BeatrizAlbina.com/somaticswebinar for a free webinar all about it. Have a beautiful day, my darling, and I'll see you next week. Ciao.