Tenderoni Hotline #8: From Self-Abandonment to Self-Love: Ending Emotional Outsourcing with Mary Jelkovsky
This week on Feminist Wellness, I’m joined by the incredible Mary Jelkovsky - author, podcast host, and self-love educator behind Mary’s Cup of Tea. What started as a conversation about her work quickly became a rich, vulnerable dialogue on emotional outsourcing, intergenerational pressure, the invisible labor of womanhood, and the reclamation of our wholeness.
We talk about what it means to grow up as eldest daughters, especially in immigrant families, and how so many of us internalized that our worth is measured by performance, perfection, and the care we provide to others. We explore how our nervous systems adapt, how the patriarchy thrives on our self-abandonment, and how presence work helps us choose a new path. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re doing something out of love or out of a need to be liked, or if you’re ready to stop performing and start being, this episode is for you.
Tune in to hear us talk about:
- What emotional outsourcing looks like in everyday life
- The myth of independence and the power of interdependence
- How to tell if you're leading from love or from old survival patterns
- Why you're already the cake and the validation is just icing
Loving Reminder from This Episode:
You are already the cake. Your worth isn’t something you have to earn, prove, or perfect, it’s baked right into who you are. The validation, the praise, the gold stars? That’s just icing. Sweet, yes. Necessary, no. You’re already whole, already enough, just as you are.
Want to Go Deeper?
Grab your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing to learn how to stop performing safety and start actually feeling it.
You will get real tools, somatic practices, and feminist coaching support to help you come home to yourself, one nervous-system-loving step at a time.
And if you want my free orienting audio and grounding meditations to support your daily practice, head here to get your free downloads.
Check out Mary’s podcast: Mary’s Cup of Tea here.
Tags:
self-love, emotional outsourcing, perfectionism, people pleasing, codependency recovery, somatic healing, feminist wellness, nervous system, interdependence, eldest daughter, women's empowerment, body image healing, inner child work