7 Holiday Questions and How to Handle Them With Grace

The holiday season can be beautiful, cozy, connective, and wildly triggering. Whether you’re the one who blurts out something awkward without meaning to, or you’re the one bracing for invasive questions across the mashed potatoes, navigating awkward holiday questions is practically a seasonal sport.

This post is for both of you. Whether you’re trying to be more mindful with your words or trying not to spiral when someone brings up your love life, career, or body, you’re in the right place.

Let’s talk about what makes these questions so stressful and how to respond with grace, presence, and a calm body.

Watch the full YouTube video here

Why “Innocent” Holiday Questions Often Hurt

At their core, awkward holiday questions are usually an attempt to connect. But they rely on outdated scripts and assumptions about timelines, bodies, success, and what it means to belong.

And here’s the thing: they land hard because they touch on grief, shame, infertility, burnout, heartbreak, or self-doubt, often things people don’t want to unpack between bites of green beans.

Questions like:

– When are you getting married?

– Are you still single?

– What’s your five-year plan?

– Have you lost weight?

These aren’t just small talk. They’re social surveillance. They imply you need to be somewhere else in life or someone else entirely.

Let’s break them down and offer something more human to say instead.

1. Holiday Questions: “So, when are you getting married?”

This seems like a classic family question, but it assumes everyone wants the same milestones, in the same order. And it ignores heartbreak, infertility, or conscious solo living.

Instead Ask:

“What’s been meaningful to you lately?”
Or, “What’s been bringing you joy?”

If You’re On the Receiving End:

Say, “That’s not something I’m thinking about right now.” Or, “When I know, you’ll know.” Then breathe and ground through your feet. Calm containment is the goal.

2. Holiday Questions: “Have you lost (or gained) weight?”

Even well-meaning body comments reinforce evaluation. For folks healing from body shame or disordered eating, they can feel like threats, not compliments.

Instead Say:

“I’m so glad to see you.”
Or, “I love that color on you. It suits you so well.”

If You’re On the Receiving End:

Try, “I don’t really talk about my body anymore, but thanks for noticing me.” Or redirect with a kind smile.

3. Holiday Questions: “What do you do these days?”

Work questions often feel like demands for proof. For anyone recovering from burnout or in transition, it’s exhausting.

Instead Ask:

“What’s been keeping you grounded lately?”
“What are you enjoying these days?”

If You’re On the Receiving End:

No resume recital required. Say, “Work’s work. I’ve been more excited about my hikes lately.” Then talk about what brings you real joy.

4. Holiday Questions: “When are you moving back home?”

This assumes proximity equals love. For many, home was a place they had to leave for their well-being.

Instead Ask:

“What do you love about where you live now?”
“What kind of community feels like home to you these days?”

If You’re On the Receiving End:

Try, “I’ve found what feels right for me.” Let that be enough.

5. Holiday Questions: “Are you still doing that therapy thing?”

Healing is not a phase. Teasing someone about therapy often masks discomfort about inner work.

If You’re Asked:

Smile and say, “Yep. Still one of the best things I’ve done for myself.” Or, “Always learning.” Then move the conversation forward.

6. Holiday Questions: “Whatever happened with your ex or family drama?”

This might seem like curiosity, but it drags people back into pain their body might still be processing. The nervous system cannot always tell the difference between remembering and reliving.

If You’re Asked:

“That’s still a bit fresh. Let’s keep it light today.”
Or use humor: “Life’s a soap opera. Anyway, how’s your dog?”

7. Holiday Questions: “Can you believe what’s going on in politics?”

Outrage feels like connection, but political debates at dinner often create more tension than closeness.

Instead Say:

“I’ve been giving my brain a break from the news lately. I think we all deserve one night off.”

Then pivot to something grounding like food, music, pets, or shared memories.

Better Questions to Ask Instead

Want to build real connection? Try these:

1. What’s been feeling good for you lately?

2. What’s been helping you stay grounded?

3. Have you had any unexpected joys recently?

4. What’s something you’ve been learning about yourself?

5. What’s been giving you hope?

These invite presence without pressure. They open a door to intimacy without forcing emotional labor.

Somatic Tips for Staying Grounded

Even with great tools, your body might still react. Try these:

– Feel your feet: Wiggle your toes and press down gently

– Orient your eyes: Look around and find three comforting things

– Breathe slowly: Let your belly rise and fall

– Say a calming phrase: “I am safe to come back to myself”

You do not need to explain or justify your choices. Your job is to care for you.

Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are Love

Whether you’re the one asking or answering, remember this. Every awkward holiday question is just a nervous system trying to connect, using an old script.

When you meet it with breath, clarity, and compassion, you shift the energy of the whole table.

May your words be kind, your presence be grounding, and your holiday be one that nourishes you.

Want More Support From Me?

• Order my book End Emotional Outsourcing to learn somatic tools for healing
• Join the Anchored community coaching program
• Subscribe to The Feminist Wellness Podcast
• Get your free grounding meditations here