Tenderoni Hotline #9: Why Do I Over-Apologize + Why Does My Body Twitch Out of Nowhere? Explained
Welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our warm and cozy corner of The Feminist Wellness Podcast, where we talk nervous system healing, somatic tools, and reclaiming your self-worth, one question at a time. If you've got something tender on your heart and want my support, write to me at podcast@beatrizalbina.com and I’ll answer you in a future episode. Let’s dive in.
Question 1: Why Do I Apologize for Everything?
Oh, sweet tender heart, this question comes up so often, and if this is you, you are absolutely not alone.
Maybe you find yourself saying “sorry” before almost every sentence:
- “Sorry, do you have a minute?”
- “Sorry, I was just wondering…”
- “Sorry, I have to pee.”
It becomes a reflex. A habit. A way of softening yourself before you even speak. And it’s not your fault.
Where This Habit Starts
If you were socialized as a woman or raised in a household where your needs were treated like a burden, you likely learned that being polite meant making yourself small. You may have been taught — subtly or loudly — that asking for space, having a voice, or even having a body made you "too much."
So you shrank. You apologized. For taking up air, for having emotions, for just being here.
Why It’s Not About Politeness
That chronic “sorry” is often not about manners. It’s a subconscious strategy, a way to say “Please don’t be mad at me. I’m not a threat.” It’s your nervous system trying to avoid conflict, rejection, or abandonment.
And while that might have been brilliantly adaptive once, it’s not serving your adult life anymore. It’s exhausting. It reinforces the story that you are somehow wrong for simply existing.
The Remedy: Replace, Not “Catch”
We're not here to "catch" and scold ourselves. That just repeats the cycle of self-blame. Instead, notice when the “sorry” slips out, and gently replace it with what you actually meant.
For example:
Instead of: “Sorry to bother you...”
Try: “Do you have a minute?”
It might feel awkward or even rude at first, but it’s not. It’s honest. It’s self-respectful. And it’s allowed.
If saying it out loud is too much, start in your own mind. Build the practice slowly. You're not doing anything wrong. You're learning how to stop apologizing for existing.
Question 2: Why Does My Body Twitch Out of Nowhere?
Great question. And one that deserves a lot more compassion and nuance than many folks get from the medical system, especially if you're a woman or part of a marginalized group.
First Things First: Get Checked
Before we talk somatics, let’s be clear: you deserve to be believed and cared for. If you haven’t already, rule out medical issues like:
- Magnesium deficiency
- Dehydration
- Caffeine overload
- Neurological concerns
If you’ve been dismissed in the past? Get another opinion. Your symptoms matter. You matter.
If It's Stress-Related...
If your healthcare is in the clear, these twitches could be your body’s way of releasing stored stress. When we don't move, cry, shake, or discharge emotions, that energy gets stuck. Over time, your nervous system will find little ways to “leak” it out, and those involuntary movements might be your body trying to find relief.
Somatic Tools to Support Release
Here are some practical tools that can help your nervous system complete the stress response cycle:
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release each muscle group, starting from your feet and working upward.
- Bilateral stimulation: Gently swing your arms left and right. This rhythmic movement helps your nervous system regulate.
- Shake it out: Literally! Put on a song and let your body move.
- Cry or exhale deeply: These are valid and important ways your body processes overwhelm.
A Final Loving Word
These questions may seem different, but they both speak to the same tender truth:
Your body is brilliant.
Your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe.
And you are not wrong for the ways you’ve survived.
Healing is not about "fixing" yourself. It’s about relearning that you are allowed to take up space, to rest, to feel, to be... without apology.
You are not too much.
You are not broken.
You are human.
Want to Go Deeper?
Grab your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing to learn how to stop performing safety and start actually feeling it.
You will get real tools, somatic practices, and feminist coaching support to help you come home to yourself, one nervous-system-loving step at a time.
And if you want my free orienting audio and grounding meditations to support your daily practice, head here to get your free downloads.
Tags: nervous system regulation, emotional outsourcing, chronic apologizing, somatic healing, stress discharge, people pleasing, trauma patterns, feminist coaching, body-based therapy, self-trust, perfectionism, self-worth, somatic tools, nervous system support