Book Series Bonus #3: You’re Not Too Much. You’re Not Not Enough.
Been told you're "too dramatic," "too sensitive," or "too much"? Here's the truth: you're not too much - you've just been around people who were too small for your energy. Learn how to stop making yourself smaller and reclaim your full self.
The Two Words That Changed Everything
I need to tell you about seven-year-old me. I was LOUD. I had opinions about everything. I wanted to tell you all about the book I was reading, the game I invented, the weird dream I had about flying bunnies.
I was... a lot.
And I remember this one day - I can still feel it in my body - I was telling some elaborate story to my family at dinner.
I was so excited, waving my hands around, probably talking way too fast. And someone said:
"Hey. Kid. Take it down a notch. You're being too much."
Too much.
Those two words just... landed. And stuck. From that moment on, I started editing myself in real time. Making myself smaller. Quieter. Less... me.
The "Too Much" Epidemic
Maybe you have a moment like that too. Maybe it was:
- "Calm down"
- "Stop being so dramatic"
- "Nobody likes a show-off"
- "You're too sensitive"
- "Why can't you just be normal?"
Whatever the words were, they taught you the same devastating lesson: parts of you are too much for other people to handle.
So you learned to tuck those parts away. You figured out how to be just the right amount of everything:
- Smart, but not threatening
- Funny, but not attention-seeking
- Successful, but not intimidating
- Emotional, but not "dramatic"
What "Too Much" Conditioning Really Does
You Become a Master Editor
You learned to read the room and adjust accordingly. You became fluent in making other people comfortable by making yourself smaller.
But here's the devastating question: Do they actually like you? Or do they just like the version of you that you've decided is palatable?
The Sneaky Way This Shows Up in Adulthood
In Your Career:
- Not speaking up in meetings because your ideas might be "too intense"
- Downplaying your achievements so others don't feel threatened
- Apologizing for your success before anyone asks you to
In Relationships:
- Hiding your enthusiasm because it might be "too much"
- Pretending you don't mind things that actually bother you
- Making yourself smaller so others feel bigger
In Your Body: When you spend decades making yourself smaller, your nervous system learns to live in constant contraction:
- Your shoulders hunch from trying to take up less space
- Your voice gets quieter
- You literally breathe less deeply
- You hold tension from all that self-editing
The Science Behind "Too Much" Messaging
Your Nervous System's Response to Rejection
When someone tells you you're "too much," your nervous system doesn't just hear criticism - it perceives a threat to your social belonging. From an evolutionary perspective, social rejection meant death.
Here's what happens:
1. Sympathetic activation - fight/flight kicks in
2. Memory encoding - brain files this as "dangerous behavior"
3. Behavioral adaptation - you unconsciously modify yourself
4. Neural pathway strengthening - the pattern gets hardwired
The Polyvagal Connection
According to Dr. Stephen Porges' research, repeated "too much" messages can dysregulate your vagus nerve, leading to:
- Chronic hypervigilance around others' reactions
- Difficulty accessing your authentic self in social situations
- Exhaustion from constant emotional monitoring
- Loss of connection to your own needs and desires
The Hidden Cost of Making Yourself Smaller
What You Lose When You Shrink
Your Creative Expression: When you're worried about being "too much," you create safe, watered-down versions of your ideas instead of bold, authentic expressions.
Your Relationships: People fall in love with your performance, not your truth. This leaves you feeling unknown and unseen, even in your closest relationships.
Your Career Success: While you're managing everyone else's comfort, the people who don't worry about being "too much" are speaking up, taking space, and getting ahead.
Your Physical Health: Chronic self-suppression creates chronic stress. Your body pays the price through:
- Autoimmune issues
- Chronic fatigue
- Anxiety and depression
- Sleep disturbances
- Digestive problems
The Relationship Cost Nobody Talks About
When you're constantly managing your "bigness" to make other people comfortable, you never get to find out who actually likes the real you.
You become so skilled at being palatable that you never discover if you're actually... loveable.
The Cruel Irony of Shrinking
The more you shrink to avoid being "too much," the hungrier you get for real connection. But when someone compliments the tiny, safe version of you, it doesn't actually feed you.
It's like being starving and someone offering you a single cracker.
You want to be seen and loved for:
- Your passion and intensity
- Your weird sense of humor
- Your big feelings
- Your strong opinions
- Your natural enthusiasm
But you've edited all of that out, so all that's left is this... beige version of yourself.
How to Stop Apologizing for Who You Are
Step 1: Understand It's Not About You
When someone says you're "too much," that's information about their capacity, not your worth.
You're not too much - you've just been around people who were too small for your energy.
Step 2: Recognize the Pattern
Start noticing when you automatically make yourself smaller:
- Toning down your excitement before sharing good news
- Apologizing for having opinions
- Checking faces before allowing yourself to feel
- Over-explaining your emotions
Step 3: Practice Nervous System Regulation
Before you can show up big, you need to feel safe in your body:
Grounding Techniques:
Deep belly breathing
5-4-3-2-1 sensory awareness
Progressive muscle relaxation
Gentle movement
Self-Compassion Practices:
"My feelings are valid"
"I'm allowed to take up space"
"The right people love my energy"
Step 4: Experiment with Your Full Self
Start small and build your tolerance for being seen:
- Share enthusiasm without apologizing
- Express opinions without over-explaining
- Take up physical space confidently
- Let your natural energy show
Finding Your People Who Love Your "Too Much"
Red Flags: People Who Need You Small
Watch out for people who:
- Consistently tell you to "calm down" when you're excited
- Make comments about you being "a lot" or "intense"
- Seem uncomfortable when you succeed
- Prefer you when you're struggling
- Punish you for taking up space
Green Flags: Your Actual People
Your real people:
- Match your energy when you're excited
- Celebrate your wins without feeling threatened
- Encourage you to take up MORE space, not less
- Love your intensity and passion
- Feel honored when you're vulnerable with them
The Neuroscience of Reclaiming Your Bigness
How Your Brain Changes When You Stop Shrinking
Research shows your brain literally rewires when you consistently practice new behaviors:
Week 1-2: Increased awareness of shrinking patterns Month 1: Beginning to experiment with authentic expression Month 3: Building tolerance for others' discomfort with your authenticity Month 6: Attracting people who appreciate your full self Year 1: Living predominantly from your authentic self
The Science of Expansion
When you stop making yourself smaller:
- Prefrontal cortex strengthening - better decision-making
- Amygdala regulation - less reactive fear responses
- Neural pathway creation - new habits of authentic self-expression
- Stress hormone regulation - lower cortisol, better health
Practical Strategies for Daily Bigness
At Work
- Speak your ideas without disclaimers like "This might be stupid, but..."
- Take credit for your contributions confidently
- Share your expertise without apologizing for knowing things
- Set boundaries without over-explaining
In Relationships
- Express excitement without checking others' faces first
- Share your wins without minimizing them
- Disagree respectfully when you have different opinions
- Ask for what you need without feeling like a burden
In Social Situations
- Allow yourself to be the most enthusiastic person in the room
- Tell stories without minimizing their importance
- Express emotions without apologizing for having them
- Take up space with your personality
Common Challenges and How to Navigate Them
"What if people really don't like the big version of me?"
This fear is understandable, but consider:
- People who only like your small self aren't your people anyway
- You'll attract people who genuinely appreciate your full energy
- Quality connections matter more than quantity
- You deserve to be loved for who you really are
"I feel guilty when I take up space"
This guilt is your nervous system trying to keep you "safe" in the old way. Remember:
- Taking up space doesn't make you selfish
- You're modeling authenticity for others
- Your bigness is a gift to the world
- You're allowed to exist fully
"My family gets weird when I stop being small"
Family systems often resist change:
- Expect initial pushback - it's normal
- Stay consistent with your authentic self
- Don't take their discomfort personally
- Remember: their reaction is about them, not you
The Ripple Effect of Being Your Full Self
When you stop shrinking yourself:
- You give others permission to be big too
- You attract relationships based on authenticity
- You model healthy self-expression for your children
- You create space for real conversations
- You inspire others to stop hiding
Your Permission Slip to Be Big
You have permission to:
- Be the most excited person in the room
- Have strong opinions and express them
- Take up space with your personality
- Succeed without apologizing for it
- Be passionate about your interests
- Feel your feelings fully
- Exist at your natural volume
The Truth About Your "Too Much"
Here's what I wish someone had told seven-year-old me (and what I'm telling you now):
You're not too much. You're exactly right.
Your enthusiasm, your intensity, your big feelings, your strong opinions - these aren't flaws to manage. They're gifts to celebrate.
The right people aren't waiting for you to be smaller. They're waiting for you to be fully yourself.
Your "too much" is actually someone else's "just right."
Ready to stop apologizing for who you are?
The journey from shrinking to expanding is one of the most liberating experiences you can have. You deserve to take up all the space you need. "End Emotional Outsourcing" shows you exactly how to break free from "too much" conditioning and reclaim your full self.
Preorder "End Emotional Outsourcing" now at beatrizalbina.com/book and get exclusive bonuses that will help you start reclaiming all the parts of yourself you've been hiding.
You're not too much. You're exactly right. Your "too much" is actually someone else's "just right."
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I know if I'm actually being too much or if it's just others' discomfort? A: If your behavior isn't harming anyone and you're expressing yourself authentically, the issue is likely their capacity, not your worth. Trust your body's wisdom.
Q: What if being big damages my relationships? A: Relationships that can't handle your authenticity aren't serving your highest good. You'll lose some connections but gain much deeper, more genuine ones.
Q: How do I handle professional situations where I need to be "appropriate"? A: Professional doesn't mean small. You can be authentic within appropriate boundaries - advocate for ideas, show personality, take up space respectfully.
Q: What if I've been small for so long I don't know who the big me is? A: Start with curiosity. Notice what you're drawn to, what excites you, what you have opinions about. Your authentic self is still there, waiting to be rediscovered.
Tags: too much, sensitive person, stop shrinking yourself, authentic self, people pleasing recovery, taking up space, emotional intensity, self-expression