Posts by Victoria Albina
Catastrophizing: Reparenting is the Antidote
One of the thought patterns I see all the time—and used to do myself (ok, I still sometimes do it now)—is catastrophizing. Something small goes wrong or maybe nothing at all is wrong, and your brain spins a tale of the actual worst possible scenario. Maybe you find a bump on your arm, and your…
Read MoreEp #133: Of Course You Did
A vital part of our individual and collective healing involves quite a bit of discomfort. Uncovering our default thought habits and practicing meeting others and ourselves with compassion, care, and without judgment is challenging to say the least, but I’ve got something special for you today that is the ultimate tool for stepping into wild…
Read MoreOf Course You Did: A Tool to Stop Judging Yourself
Judging others is part and parcel of the codependent, perfectionist and people-pleasing way of being. Because we source our worth externally not from within ourselves, we are so scared of being judged by others, because in our unmanaged minds their opinion of us is more important than our opinion of us. So we judge everyone…
Read MoreAre You Being Nice or Kind: How Authenticity is Kindness
What’s the difference between niceness and kindness? Humans socialized as women, in particular, are trained to be nice—to put others and their wants and needs ahead of our own, to self-sacrifice, to be the martyr, savior and saint, to be the fixer. There is also a very specific story about what Nice looks like that often…
Read MoreEp #132: Are You Being Nice or Kind?
Something that I often watch my clients get confused about is the difference between being nice and kind. This is a topic that is essential to our healing, especially as folks with codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing thought habits who tend to externalize our self-worth to other people. I myself have confused these two words for…
Read MoreEp #131: Inside Anchored
This week, I’m thrilled to be bringing you something a little different to the podcast. I’m sharing a live coaching call I had with my client Kelly, who is a member of my six-month program, Anchored: Overcoming Codependency. If you’re new here, or you’ve been dying to know what Anchored is all about and whether…
Read MoreAnxious Relationship Rushing: Why Pausing is Sexy
Anxious attachment in relationship is the kind I see most in us externalizers—folks with the thought habit of basing our sense of self worth in other people, in their thoughts and feels, their needs and how we can meet them, their opinion of us. From our codependent anxiety, we tend to cling, to put other…
Read MoreEp #130: Anxious Relationship Rushing
When you meet a new potential partner, or even a friend, roommate, or coworker, do you ever find yourself racing to that proverbial finish line? Do you find yourself skipping chapters of your life, rushing along to the safety you’re looking for with that person? In last week’s episode, I gave you the breakdown of…
Read MoreAttachment Styles 101: You Can Change Yours
Coming from our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing thought habits, our go-to in dating, in relationships, in pretty much every aspect of our lives is to live on good ol autopilot—from habit versus intention. One of my life goals is to live my own life from awareness, intention, checked-in-ness and to support you in doing…
Read MoreEp #129: Attachment Styles
You are going to love today’s episode, my nerds. We are diving into one of the theoretical frameworks that have been so helpful for me and my clients in evaluating and understanding our habitual thinking, and that is attachment styles. One of the things we’ve been discussing in Anchored is dating and romantic relationships. For…
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