How to Actually Start Resting: A Practical Guide for Recovering People-Pleasers

This is Part 2 of a series on rest and nervous system regulation. Read Part 1: The 7 Types of Rest Your Nervous System Needs 

Alright my love, let’s get practical.

In Part 1, we talked about the seven types of rest and why rest can feel dangerous when you’ve spent years emotionally outsourcing. Now I’m going to show you how to actually do this.

Because knowing you need rest and knowing how to rest are two very different things.

Watch Full Episode on YouTube

How to Know Which Type of Rest You Need Right Now

Your body already knows what it needs. The trick is learning to listen.

Here’s a simple way to check in:

Ask yourself: What feels most depleted right now?

• If your body feels heavy, achy, or like you’re moving through mud → Physical rest
• If everything feels too loud, too bright, or you’re constantly overstimulated → Sensory rest
• If your brain won’t stop spinning, analyzing, or catastrophizing → Mental rest
• If you’re exhausted from managing everyone’s feelings or faking being fine → Emotional rest
• If even good people feel like too much, or you’re drained after every social interaction → Social rest
• If everything feels gray, flat, or you can’t remember the last time something moved you → Creative rest
• If you feel disconnected from meaning, purpose, or anything bigger than your own struggle → Spiritual rest

You might need more than one. That’s normal. Start with whichever one makes you go “oh god, yes, that one.”

Specific Practices for Each Type of Rest

Physical Rest Practices

Passive physical rest:

• Take a 20-minute nap without setting an alarm (yes, really)
• Lie on the floor with your legs up the wall for 5 minutes
• Get in bed an hour earlier than usual, even if you just lie there
• Let yourself sleep in on the weekend without guilt

Active physical rest:

• Take a slow walk with no destination or goal
• Do gentle stretching while watching TV
• Try restorative yoga (the kind where you barely move)
• Get a massage, or use a foam roller on tight spots

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: Start with just 5 minutes. Set a timer. Your nervous system needs to learn that rest has an end point, that you’re not disappearing into it forever.

Sensory Rest Practices

• Turn off all overhead lights for an evening, use lamps or candles only
• Eat one meal in complete silence (no phone, no TV, no podcast)
• Spend 10 minutes outside without your phone
• Take a shower or bath in the dark or dim light
• Use earplugs or noise-canceling headphones for 30 minutes
• Turn off all notifications for an afternoon

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: Notice what your system can handle. Maybe total silence feels like too much, but dimmer lights feel okay. Start there.

Mental Rest Practices

• Do something with your hands that requires focus but not thinking: wash dishes slowly, fold laundry, knit, color, garden
• Take a walk and count your steps (gives your brain something to do besides spiral)
• Write down every thought in your head for 5 minutes, then close the notebook
• Do a simple puzzle or play a repetitive game
• Practice the 4-7-8 breath: inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8 (this literally interrupts the thinking loop)

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: Your brain will try to fill the space with more thinking. That’s normal. The practice isn’t to stop thoughts, it’s to give your mind something else to track.

Emotional Rest Practices

• Cry if you need to cry (put on a sad song, watch a tearjerker, whatever gets it moving)
• Journal without editing: “I’m angry about…” “I’m sad about…” “I’m scared of…”
• Say out loud, to yourself or someone safe: “I’m not okay today”
• Cancel plans you were dreading without over-explaining
• Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling for 5 minutes without trying to fix it, change it, or make it smaller
• Voice note a friend and actually tell them how you’re doing (not the polished version)

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: Emotions are temporary, even when they feel enormous. Set a timer for 5 minutes and let yourself feel whatever comes up. When the timer goes off, you can put it away and come back later.

Social Rest Practices

• Say no to an invitation without giving a reason
• Spend an evening completely alone doing whatever you want
• Unfollow or mute anyone on social media who makes you feel like you have to perform
• Sit with someone you trust in comfortable silence
• Leave the party/gathering/event when you’re done, not when it’s “polite” to leave
• Turn off your phone for a few hours

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: Social rest doesn’t mean you hate people or you’re becoming a hermit. It means you’re choosing connection that nourishes you instead of depletes you. That’s allowed.

Creative Rest Practices

• Go to a museum or gallery and just look (no learning, no analyzing)
• Listen to music you love and do nothing else
• Watch clouds, or a sunset, or snow falling
• Sit in a garden or park and notice colors, textures, shapes
• Read poetry or look at art without trying to “understand” it
• Put fresh flowers somewhere you’ll see them

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: You don’t have to do anything with the beauty you receive. You’re not trying to become more creative or productive. You’re just letting wonder back in.

Spiritual Rest Practices

• Sit outside and notice you’re part of the same air, same earth, same sky as everything else
• Attend a service, ceremony, or gathering that connects you to something larger
• Volunteer somewhere that reminds you we’re all in this together
• Light a candle and sit with it
• Read something that reminds you of your values or what matters most
• Stand under trees and remember how old they are, how long they’ve been here

The remedy when it brings up anxiety: Spiritual rest isn’t about religion unless you want it to be. It’s about remembering you’re connected to something bigger than your own small struggle. Sometimes that’s nature. Sometimes that’s community. Sometimes it’s just the fact that you’re made of stardust.

What to Do When Rest Brings Up Panic, Guilt, or Anxiety

This is the big one. Because for most of us coming out of emotional outsourcing patterns, rest doesn’t feel peaceful at first. It feels dangerous.

Here’s what to do:

When panic shows up

Your nervous system is used to running. When you stop, it thinks something’s wrong.

Try this: Place both hands on your heart or belly. Say out loud: “I’m safe. I’m just resting. Nothing bad is happening right now.” Keep your hands there until your breathing slows. This is called co-regulation with yourself.

When guilt shows up

That voice that says you’re lazy, that you should be doing more, that everyone else is working harder than you.

Try this: Talk back to it. Out loud if you can. “I know you’re trying to keep me safe by keeping me useful. But I don’t need to earn rest. My worth isn’t measured in productivity.” You might not believe it yet. Say it anyway.

When the “what if I never start again” fear shows up

This is your system’s biggest fear  –  that if you rest, you’ll lose your edge, you’ll become useless, you’ll never get back up.

Try this: Set a timer. Rest for a specific amount of time  –  10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour. When the timer goes off, notice: you’re still here. You didn’t dissolve. You can still move. Rest didn’t erase you.

When you feel selfish for resting

When that voice says other people need you, you don’t have time, your rest is taking something from someone else.

Try this: Ask yourself: “If I don’t rest, what happens to the people who need me?” If you burn out, if you collapse, if you can’t show up anymore  –  who does that serve? Rest isn’t selfish. Rest is how you stay in the game long enough to actually help.

A Simple Daily Rest Practice You Can Start Tomorrow

If all of this feels like too much, start here:

Morning: Before you check your phone, take three slow breaths. Feel your body in the bed. Notice one thing you can hear. That’s sensory and mental rest. 30 seconds.

Midday: Step outside for 2 minutes. No phone. Just look at something green or watch the sky. That’s creative and spiritual rest. 2 minutes.

Evening: Dim the lights an hour before bed. Put your phone in another room. Do one thing slowly  –  make tea, stretch, sit in a chair and stare at nothing. That’s physical and sensory rest. 10 minutes.

Total time: Less than 15 minutes. That’s it.

Do this for a week. Notice what changes. Then add more if you want.

How to Talk to Yourself When the “Lazy” Voice Shows Up

Because it will. That voice that says you’re wasting time, that you should be doing something productive, that rest is for other people who’ve earned it.

Here’s what to say back:

“Lazy isn’t real. It’s a story someone told me to keep me producing.”

“My body is asking for something it needs. That’s information, not weakness.”

“Rest is not a reward for productivity. Rest is a biological requirement.”

“I am allowed to stop moving. The world will keep turning.”

“Stillness is not the same as stagnation.”

“I don’t have to earn the right to exist in my own body.”

Say these out loud. Write them down. Stick them on your mirror. Your nervous system needs to hear them over and over until they start to feel true.

What Rest Actually Teaches You

When you practice rest  –  even tiny moments of it  –  here’s what starts to shift:

You learn that you can stop without disappearing.

You learn that other people’s feelings aren’t your emergency.

You learn that the world doesn’t collapse when you take your hands off.

You learn that your worth isn’t tied to your usefulness.

You learn that you can trust your body to tell you what it needs.

You learn that stillness isn’t the same as stuckness.

And eventually  –  not right away, but eventually  –  you learn that rest isn’t something you have to white-knuckle your way through. It becomes a place you can actually land.

Start Small, Start Now

You don’t have to do all of this. You don’t even have to do most of it.

Pick one practice. Try it today. Notice what happens in your body. That’s it.

Rest isn’t a performance. You don’t have to get it right. You just have to let yourself try.

And if it brings up anxiety, panic, or guilt? That’s not a sign you’re doing it wrong. That’s a sign your nervous system is learning something new. Be gentle with yourself while it figures this out.

You’ve spent years running. Your body is allowed to need time to remember how to slow down.

Ready to go deeper? If you want support rewiring these patterns for good, join the waitlist for Anchored, my 6-month program where we work on nervous system regulation, ending emotional outsourcing, and building safety from within.

Need the book? End Emotional Outsourcing gives you the full framework, tools, and practices to break free from people-pleasing and perfectionism.

FAQ: Practicing Rest When You’re Anxious

Q: How long should I rest for it to “count”? A: Any amount counts. Two minutes of real rest does more for your nervous system than two hours of buffering. Quality over quantity.

Q: What if I try to rest and just feel worse? A: That’s your nervous system discharging stress. It’s actually a good sign  –  it means you’re finally safe enough for your body to release what it’s been holding. Stay with it if you can, or try a shorter amount of time.

Q: Is it normal to feel guilty every single time I rest? A: Yes. Your nervous system learned that productivity equals safety. Guilt is just your system trying to get you back to “safe.” Thank it for trying to protect you, then rest anyway.

Q: What if I rest and then can’t get anything done? A: Real rest actually makes you more effective, not less. But your nervous system doesn’t know that yet. It will learn over time.

Q: Can I rest too much? A: If you’ve been running on empty for years, your body might collapse into rest for a while when it finally feels safe. That’s not “too much”  –  that’s catch-up. Trust the process.