End Emotional Outsourcing: Why I Wrote the Book I Couldn’t Find

I want to tell you why I wrote End Emotional Outsourcing, the book I couldn’t find when I needed it most. A book for the folks who feel like they’re living life from the sidelines of their own experience. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing “okay” while quietly falling apart inside, this is for you. If you’re someone who gives incredible advice to others but can’t decide what you want for lunch without reading the room first, this is for you. If you’ve ever felt like the version of you that people love isn’t really you, and keeping her alive is exhausting, then my darling, this is definitely for you.

The Hidden Cost of Emotional Outsourcing

There was a time when I looked like I had it all together. UCSF-trained nurse practitioner. Board-certified. Private practice in Manhattan. Married, thriving career, a Brooklyn apartment. And yet I was barely surviving. I didn’t know what I wanted. I couldn’t say no without a spreadsheet of justifications. I was constantly over-functioning, chronically exhausted, and quietly collapsing inside. And what’s more, I thought that was just life. It wasn’t until I started connecting the dots between nervous system dysregulation, emotional outsourcing, and the ways we’ve been taught to disconnect from our own needs, that things finally began to make sense.

What Is Emotional Outsourcing?

Emotional outsourcing is what happens when we hand over our self-worth, sense of safety, and internal compass to other people. It’s a survival strategy, not a character flaw. A brilliant adaptation born from growing up with emotionally immature, unpredictable, or unavailable caregivers.

It looks like:

• Scanning others’ faces to decide how you feel
• Apologizing for existing
• Freezing when someone seems upset with you
• Saying yes when your whole body says no
• Overfunctioning as a way to feel worthy

It’s nervous system wiring. Not a moral failing. And because it’s wired into procedural memory – the part of your brain that remembers how to ride a bike or tie your shoes – it doesn’t live in your logic. It lives in your body. This is why you can “know better” and still find yourself people-pleasing. Why talk therapy alone might not be enough. And why shame, labels, and self-blame never lead to lasting change.

Why Codependent, People-Pleaser, and Perfectionist Don’t Cut It

The language we’ve been given – codependent, people-pleaser, perfectionist – it’s cold, clinical, and shame-laden. These labels reduce our coping mechanisms to flaws. They disconnect us from the why and ignore the systems that shaped us: Patriarchy. Capitalism. White supremacy. They pathologize care, compliance, and perfectionism without acknowledging the survival context we learned them in. And they don’t actually help us heal. They just keep us stuck in cycles of self-judgment. That’s why I renamed it. That’s why I wrote the book.

Healing Emotional Outsourcing Starts in the Body

If you’ve been told to “just love yourself more” or “set better boundaries,” but haven’t been shown how to feel safe doing so in your body, I see you. We can’t mindset our way out of nervous system survival patterns. We need body-based healing, somatic work, to shift the default. That’s what this book offers: A step-by-step, trauma-informed, politically conscious framework for healing emotional outsourcing at the nervous system level. It’s a reclamation. A radical act of coming home to yourself.

You Are Not the Icing. You Are the Cake.

Chapter 5 is titled You Are the Cake because so many of us have learned to live like the icing – sweet, pleasing, decorative. A layer that makes everyone else’s life smoother while your own needs go unmet. But my beauty, you are not here to decorate someone else’s life. You are rich. Complex. Whole. Nourishing. You are the substance. This book is your reminder. Your roadmap. Your reclamation.

Emotional Outsourcing Is Not Your Fault. But Healing Is Your Right.

This isn’t just about you. It’s about how systemic forces profit from your self-abandonment. It’s about how healing yourself is an act of resistance. Because when you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop accepting systems and relationships that depend on your silence.

You stop asking others if you’re okay.
You start knowing you are.
And that changes everything.

Pre-Order End Emotional Outsourcing

The book launches September 30th, and when you pre-order, you’ll receive:

• Nervous system-regulating body-based practices
• Guided exercises and workbooks
• A private podcast workshop
• Bonus: Buy 10+ copies and join me for a live 6-week course

Pre-order now at beatrizalbina.com/book

This Book Is for You If:

• You’ve spent a lifetime over-functioning for others
• You’re exhausted from being “the strong one”
• Boundaries feel like betrayal
• You’re ready to live from your truth, not your trauma
• You want to heal in a way that honors your body, identity, and history

My love, you are not broken.
You are not too much.
You are not behind.

You are the cake. And it’s time you lived like it.

Let’s reclaim your nervous system, your voice, your life. Together.

Pre-order today: beatrizalbina.com/book